Left for airport at 5am I was shocked it was peak hour traffic Michelle said yeah they start at 9 so have to leave at 5 in Auckland.
After baggage weigh in we go off to customs, I am nervous as fuck and a bit lost then Mich points and asks these officials that look like FBI ‘is this the way to Rarotonga’ like we are catching a fucken bus. The FBI sort of smile some laugh and said yes. We show our passports and get though part 1 of 3.
Next was body xray, I walk through (plates, rods and screws on me bones) easy, next minute I hear an alarm turn around and Mich is getting frisk searched. For fuck sakes. I’m hoping its just teeth fillings.
Next was bag xray, me and my bags go straight through, I turn around and there is Mich with the FBI and her bags open. WTF NOW. She had too much liquid so had a couple confiscated, she took them off the FBI and told them ‘that’s alright I will put them in my hand bag’ they said no, no, no they are not allowed on at all and took them back off her to biff. They were a hundred dollar shampoo and air freshener. Why the fuck does she bring air freshener when she doesn’t even have a sense of smell duh, she said oh yeah.
After finally getting through we went for breakfast at Wondertree, where I had scrambled eggs, grilled tomato, sourdough toast and a drink of hot chocolate with a view of our plane.
On the plane Mich lifted the armrest between us and squeezed her ass taking up ⅓ of my seat, but I was so excited I was on a plane I didn’t care. I couldn’t believe I got this far.
Then we were at Rarotonga Airport. No one looks friendly, I felt the guards staring at me. I was hot and sweaty, I got to a young Officer phew I thought then he bangs his finger on my declaration about 6 times saying ‘EXPLAIN’. I told him I have criminal convictions and I have permission from Cook Islands Immigration for a holiday and showed him the letter. He took his time reading it in full while I’m thinking these Hitlers are going to turn me around because of my tattoos. He then smiled and gave me a thumbs up. Phew I thought again, I collected my bag next minute I had to show my passport and declaration again to another officer, in the background was a green arrow pointing right (means go straight through do not go to jail) and a red arrow pointing left (means go straight to jail do not pass GO), he said go left. Oh shit here we go again by now I am sweating heavily and chewing gum. Two huge scary looking FBI’s were waiting for me, asking me for my passport and declaration AGAIN. I think one was a female, staring at me asking me questions, opening my carry on luggage asking me if I have any cannabis. I got through then finally got a warm welcome and leid from Club Raro hosts waiting to kidnap us.